Waaugh ‘Ammer Forty-Thousant Dawn a’ War Two by Relic an’ THQ, Reviewed by Thumzup da Critik
Oi! All you gitz lissen up! You gots to ‘ear about this here game, an’ whether it’s worth yer teefz. So lissen good, savvy? ‘Cause Thumzup da Ork is ‘ere to give yas the lowdown.
Dawn a’ War Two is da sequel to da bestsellin’ Dawn a’ War, which was a right and proper bit o’ dakka an choppin. ‘Cept for the third expansion, which was not in da least bit Orky an’ pounded da final nailz in Ironlore’s coffin.
Dat was a long sentence. I’s getting’ airs from my fame.
Dawn a’ War Two is a real-time-tactics game. Dat means dat instead a’ buildin’ about five hunnert turrets and hidin’ out on a hill all day long, you gots ta take it to the enemy, an’ crush some skulls. Dat’s Orky! Dakkadakkadakka! So if ya played da revolutionary World Waaugh Two game Company a’ ‘Eroes (by da same boyz) an’ thought it was fun? Den dis ‘ere is da game fer yas. Ya gets one hut, a ton a boyz, and ya go raise da roof on the other gits. Waaugh!
A lotta gitz been feedin out rumors, how good da campaign is ‘cause it’s part RPG and ya can play wit’ two boyz, ‘stead a’ just yerself. That’s pretty nice, an’ it’s fun ta get ta know yer boyz ‘fore dey get stuck in an’ fulla holez. What these gitz don’t tell ya is that da campaign is a gross distortion of da known facts. You play as eight or twelve humie gitz, an ya dakkas up a whole planet a’ Orks, not to mention da Eldar an’ some purple snake-monsters. Dis is a gross mis-representin’ a’ da facts an I had ta quit in disgust. But, da campaign is executed all smooth like, an’ there’s obvious tactics, even if you are only playin’ as spineless, no-good ‘umies.
Multiplayer, dat ain’t been discussed so much yet. Dat’s ’cause, as much Dakka an’ Choppa an’ Stompa an’ Bomba an’ Tanks an’ Rockitz an’ WAAAAAAAUGH as der is, der ain’t much. Da game only ships wit’ eight stinkin’ deathmatch maps an’ four stinkin’ armies! It’s common knowin’ dat Relic loves expansion pakz, so you can be sure more’s on da way… Fer a few teefz.
The armies ya do get is da same as in da campaign, only ya gets ta play ‘em all. Da humies gets da fewest boyz, but the biggest shootaz an’ the most brainz. Dey’s straightforward an’ pretty easy to learn. Da Eldar are like da humies, only they’s got no meat on em’ an can’t take a good choppa. Dey’s all about runnin an gunnin so if yer sneaky dem’s fer ya. Den dere’s da purple space bug lizard thingies. Dey gots a bunch of special powers. Use ’em good and you can’t be stomped, but attack ‘ead on an’ you’re dead. Some gitz say dey’s overpowered but I say dey ain’t.
“But Thumzup,” ya sez. “Ya left out da best army a’ all!” No I didn’t, you idiots! I was savin’ it fer yas! Dat’s right, da Orks is back, and badder than eva! It’s da sad truth dat Orks wasn’t so hot in Dawn a’ War, but dey are now! Ya get tons of boyz, all kinds of sneaky tricks, an affordable units ta keep da other fella guessin’.
I gives this game seven outta a possible ten ‘cause it’s got pretty graffix an tons a fun dakka. I’d give it a eight or a nine, but there just ain’t a ton of stuff multi-player wise. Maybe soon we’ll get us a map editor an da user community will knock out some more maps ta play, den da game’ll be a betta value… But shame on dem boyz at Relic fer countin’ on us to do da rough stuff!