Marky Mark's Make My Video (SegaCD)
Mark Wahlberg is famous today for hosting PBS shows for old people and starring in M. Night Shymalan’s The Happening, a film so exceptional that it totally swept the 2008 academy awards. But as a young man, Mr. Wahlburg was known for being a racist PCP-addicted criminal, and rapping under the name Marky Mark. He was pretty big in the wretched 90s, but something else was even bigger- Sega.
Few people played any SegaCD games at all but those who did may remember the Make My Video series. These games challenged players to mix their own videos from really awful canned footage and ugly special effects to make a movie that a specific NPC would enjoy. Cool idea, but a video game console only slightly less powerful than a really good calculator wasn’t the place for it. The video looks like a scrambled porno channel, and the sound, for coming off a CD, is pretty tinny. And oh boy, are there loading times.
Kids unlucky or dumb enough to own MMMMV could pick between 2 or three Marky Mark tracks, then splice their own videos from a mixture of real video footage (Mark Wahlburg without a shirt) and odd stock clips (I made a video for Good Vibrations that was nothing but cats in harnesses boxing each other and Michigan J. Frog). Then you turn these videos in to you in-game parents, principal, the girls smoking in the restroom, and a professional boxer who just hangs out at your characters’ school. Please them, and you win.
MMMMV boldly tried to take advantage of CD media to deliver a new experience: making trippy videos for a lousy rapper to impress your dad. All it really succeeded in doing was making Sherlock Holmes, Consulting Detective look good, but that’s still quite an achievement.
1/10 (Play the INXS one instead)